I don't really know how to explain things right now except that a few months back, I said I needed a slap in the face to bring me back down to earth again. Well, I guess this is my slap in the face. I knew I needed it.
I want to go away. Being up at my college last weekend was nice. Sure, a little part of me did want to come home, but as soon as I actually got home, I wanted to go back up there so bad. It was nice just to get away from things. Like, when you're away, you feel like all your problems from home just disappear. You don't have to worry about them anymore. Only, when you get back home, you realize they didn't go anywhere. And it sucks.
I didn't find a single person up at college that was even remotely close to being like me. It was disappointing, I'm not gonna lie. But there are still 4 other orientation groups that I haven't met yet, so I can't get down. And even though I was still kind of lonely up there, I wound up liking it more than here. I don't know, maybe it's just the slump I've put myself into here.
I'm really looking foward to finding someone somewhat like me. Someone that's into things I'm into, and is really into it because that's just what they like; not because it's what is "cool" or because they want to fit into a certain crowd or something. I want to find someone who shares the same beliefs as me and has a similar outlook on life. Some that I can actually have a good conversation with. I've never found anyone like that here. Or maybe I have, but I'm just blind to it, in which case I am sorry.
On another note, I feel like I've made so many careless decisions this year that I shouldn't have made. I've gotten so lazy. And I feel like most things are just worthless lately. Like all the decisions I make mean nothing. But I've realized that they mean a lot, and that I was stupid for what I've done. I've given up things I should have kept.
I have also realized that I grew up a lot this year, but that I stil have a lot more growing up to do.
Ugh. Hopefully, this summer will turn things around.
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