So apparently I don't really have a dad anymore. And my mom was never really much of a "mom" to me. Ehh oh well. Life goes on. I guess I've always been a loner anyway. My dad has taken on the whole "I'll hurt you before you can hurt me" reasoning. He figures that he'll cut me off before I have the chance to. He said his brother did it to his mom, and even he himself did it, but they're better now. And he says that when I go off to college, I'll do the same thing to him. Which isn't true. I was never planning on cutting him out of my life. It's a different story with my mom, but that's not what this was about. I won't get into anything else about it because it really is dumb and there is no fixing things anymore.
On a different note, I have no idea what I really want anymore. I'm so confused about what I should do. Part of me wants to wait. But then the other part wants to go after the opportunities that have been presenting themselves to me, and I just can't have both things. Honestly, a lot of doors have been opened to me recently. There are some people that I want to hang out with more and get to know better, one in particular. Most of the other guys, I really don't care for in that way at all. But I really just don't know what to do.
I'm running with a mirror in front of me, and all that I left behind is all that I can see.
I love how everytime I think I finally figured things out, something else comes by and screws everything up again. Like today. Someone was talking to me about how I should have a boyfriend and all that stuff, the typical talk with him. Then a certain somebody who was standing next to us agreed and whispered a name in my ear. And that name didn't make anything easier at all.
The more I think about this stuff, the more confused I get. It really would've been nice to have something good in my life just to balance things out in a way. But you can't have everything. And I'm fine with what I do have.
On a different note, I have no idea what I really want anymore. I'm so confused about what I should do. Part of me wants to wait. But then the other part wants to go after the opportunities that have been presenting themselves to me, and I just can't have both things. Honestly, a lot of doors have been opened to me recently. There are some people that I want to hang out with more and get to know better, one in particular. Most of the other guys, I really don't care for in that way at all. But I really just don't know what to do.
I'm running with a mirror in front of me, and all that I left behind is all that I can see.
I love how everytime I think I finally figured things out, something else comes by and screws everything up again. Like today. Someone was talking to me about how I should have a boyfriend and all that stuff, the typical talk with him. Then a certain somebody who was standing next to us agreed and whispered a name in my ear. And that name didn't make anything easier at all.
The more I think about this stuff, the more confused I get. It really would've been nice to have something good in my life just to balance things out in a way. But you can't have everything. And I'm fine with what I do have.
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