I'm done complaining about people and their lack of morals (although believe me, I have a lot to complain about). Everyone here is essentially soon to become my past. And I know my friends who are reading this are taking offense to that sentence already, but hey, it's the truth for all of us. I mean, come college, we're going to be making daily memories with a whole new group of friends. The friendships we have here at home are going to be frozen in time in a way. They'll be at a standstill while we're away having a good time with our new present friends, but that doesn't mean we're going to forget each other and just throw our friendship out the door. You can't live in the past though, and I know none of us will. This is a whole new part of life we haven't experienced before, and it's exciting. Maybe this time around, I'll find people somewhat like myself. Maybe this time around, I really will make lifelong friends. Maybe this time around, I'll try to not dislike girls the second I meet them. And I really am trying with that last one already. Come on, I'm going to be living on a floor with nearly 20 other girls for a year. I better get used to them, so I'm trying to just wash away my preconcieved notions of girls this time around. I'm going to force myself to believe they're not all bitches. I'll let you know how it goes :]
So my floor is now covered in bags and boxes full of things that are going to comprise my new home: a replica of a jail cell that I'm sharing with someone else for a year. It actually started to hit me last night as I was looking at all the stuff that this is really happening. I really will be living in a totally different place with totally different people, not just visiting. Sure, I've been away from home many times, but none of those times were for more than a week. This time, it's months. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for this, but it's still a really weird concept to grasp.
Luckily, my roommate seems pretty cool from the little I know about her so far. Seriously, after she added me on facebook (I didn't know she was my roommate at the time), I said to myself "Hey she seems cool. I want her to be my roommate." And then she told me she was, lol. It was weird, but a good sign, I guess.
A little while ago, I was talking to this kid I'm going to school with. We've been talking a good amount, but I just told him that he reminded me of a good friend of mine, and he said that he doesn't want to take the place of my good friend, but I'm his for the time being at college. And it's true. It goes back to what I was saying in the beginning of this; new friendships, new memories, new stories to tell. They're not replacements, but it's close I guess, for the time being.
I have a little more than two weeks left here. I thought it was going to be difficult to leave everything, but this summer, people have made that process a lot easier all around. Not to sound emo at all, or anything. But a change of pace is needed.
8.13.2008
8.09.2008
Another Minor Vent
In one sentence: I've never met a single reliable person in my life.
ugh I am so heated right now >:[
On another note, I'm sorry that I'm back into the habit of writing totally meaningless, stupid posts. They'll get better again; I promise.
ugh I am so heated right now >:[
On another note, I'm sorry that I'm back into the habit of writing totally meaningless, stupid posts. They'll get better again; I promise.
8.08.2008
Check This
It's been too long. I never have anything good to write about during the summer, which you'd kind of think would be the opposite, but hey.
So to bring it back, I was bored and doing these dumb little quizzes, but I just so happen to like the one:
lol.
So to bring it back, I was bored and doing these dumb little quizzes, but I just so happen to like the one:
| You Can Definitely Spot a Liar |
 Either way, it's pretty hard for someone to pull a fast one on you. You're like a human lie detector. |
lol.
7.12.2008
Where have you all gone?
I would greatly appreciate it if people stopped disappearing from my life. Please and thank you.
On a note somewhat relating to that, I almost never IM people first. Same goes for texting, in most cases. I guess the same can go for stupid comments on myspace/facebook if you really want to get down to it. So don't take any offense to it, please. And instead, you make the move.
Now come back to me.
On a note somewhat relating to that, I almost never IM people first. Same goes for texting, in most cases. I guess the same can go for stupid comments on myspace/facebook if you really want to get down to it. So don't take any offense to it, please. And instead, you make the move.
Now come back to me.
7.07.2008
Pick-Up Line of the Day:
-"Hey, how fast does this ride go?"
-"My guess is as fast as my heart beat since you came next to me."
On another note, I found this in my truth box when I came home from Pennsylvania:
"i dont even know you and just from reading your about me ive come to the assumption that if there were more people with the type of thought processes you have, well then this world would be a much better place. from- a boy who would love to be your friend."
Well, boy who would love to be my friend, I would love to know who you actually are.
-"My guess is as fast as my heart beat since you came next to me."
On another note, I found this in my truth box when I came home from Pennsylvania:
"i dont even know you and just from reading your about me ive come to the assumption that if there were more people with the type of thought processes you have, well then this world would be a much better place. from- a boy who would love to be your friend."
Well, boy who would love to be my friend, I would love to know who you actually are.
7.01.2008
And
I just realized after posting that blog that it's July already. I have to keep reassuring myself that this summer just started, but it's amazing by how fast time moves when you're pressed for it.
God Only Knows What I Would Say To You
Just something random I came to realize: "Home" does not mean "building" and "family" does not mean "blood".
Anyway, I realized that from pretty much the start of the school year, I have constantly been suppressing my feelings for whoever I may have them for. I constantly deny the fact that I may in fact be crushing on someone. And all the denying makes myself believe that to be true. I just couldn't come to terms that maybe I was possibly falling for someone. I think it was kind of used as a form of protection. If I didn't think I really had feelings towards someone, how could I possibly get hurt if things didn't work out? And it probably all came about once I realized that things like that never seem to work out for me. It's all pretty dumb, and I never realized it until recently. You see, the whole denial thing is the voice of the mind, but I found that this time around, my body built up the strength to speak over my mind. You could deny a simple thought, but you can't deny a racing heart, a nervous body, and a face that's always in your head. So with that, I've come to realize that maybe I am falling for someone :x.
I read through my most recent journal today. It's always kind of entertaining in a way to read through old journals and see how what you thought or felt actually plays out in the future. It's also entertaining to see how your feelings for someone play out and totally change up over the course of a few weeks.
In one entry, one of the sentences I wrote wound up relating to the whole me being a prick ordeal: "I feel like my actions are untrue, but after all we've talked about, I can't do this to you." And with that said, I ended things. Like a month after I wrote that. Eh, I got around to it eventually.
I also found some little verses I wrote (mostly in math so it seems) that I don't think I've ever put anywhere, so here's a random collection of a few:
New birds keep circling my head
Each sings the same song
You always had ways to make your words sound so sweet
Maybe I'm wrong.
Some silly little spiritual thing I wrote a while back:
I'm down on hands and knees trying to find the missing pieces,
Trying to mend the ultimate mistake
That final fall where you begin to break
Without the nails that hold you there,
You're broken.
You keep searching, but you never feel real
Worthiness isn't found in the faithless.
Part of something I meant to finish, but never did:
The tides come in and drift me away to a place where the sun never sleeps. I find myself resting in an open field surrounded by evergreens. I sing my story out to them, and my secrets they keep.
That's crappy.
And this one, I wrote 7 months ago, yet it somehow still fits perfectly to my situation now:
Every opportunity shot down by mistake.
I convince myself lies are reality to get you away from me,
but recently,
You're the one thing I want most.
And in all honesty,
I fear what I desire most.
It's not much of a "collection" after all. I don't feel like searching for anymore now.
But on another note, the same situation has happened all over again that leaves me feeling like the wrong one, but I'm really not. I always keep my mouth shut when that particular gut feeling kicks in because I feel bad. But it feels worse to have to deal with it face-to-face and see with your own eyes how the person is trying to hide their pain but failing miserably. Those kind of things are so much easier to do behind a computer screen or text message. Which is pathetic, impersonal, and unclear. But still, easier to deal with on both ends.
Here's to another round of love triangles...
Anyway, I realized that from pretty much the start of the school year, I have constantly been suppressing my feelings for whoever I may have them for. I constantly deny the fact that I may in fact be crushing on someone. And all the denying makes myself believe that to be true. I just couldn't come to terms that maybe I was possibly falling for someone. I think it was kind of used as a form of protection. If I didn't think I really had feelings towards someone, how could I possibly get hurt if things didn't work out? And it probably all came about once I realized that things like that never seem to work out for me. It's all pretty dumb, and I never realized it until recently. You see, the whole denial thing is the voice of the mind, but I found that this time around, my body built up the strength to speak over my mind. You could deny a simple thought, but you can't deny a racing heart, a nervous body, and a face that's always in your head. So with that, I've come to realize that maybe I am falling for someone :x.
I read through my most recent journal today. It's always kind of entertaining in a way to read through old journals and see how what you thought or felt actually plays out in the future. It's also entertaining to see how your feelings for someone play out and totally change up over the course of a few weeks.
In one entry, one of the sentences I wrote wound up relating to the whole me being a prick ordeal: "I feel like my actions are untrue, but after all we've talked about, I can't do this to you." And with that said, I ended things. Like a month after I wrote that. Eh, I got around to it eventually.
I also found some little verses I wrote (mostly in math so it seems) that I don't think I've ever put anywhere, so here's a random collection of a few:
New birds keep circling my head
Each sings the same song
You always had ways to make your words sound so sweet
Maybe I'm wrong.
Some silly little spiritual thing I wrote a while back:
I'm down on hands and knees trying to find the missing pieces,
Trying to mend the ultimate mistake
That final fall where you begin to break
Without the nails that hold you there,
You're broken.
You keep searching, but you never feel real
Worthiness isn't found in the faithless.
Part of something I meant to finish, but never did:
The tides come in and drift me away to a place where the sun never sleeps. I find myself resting in an open field surrounded by evergreens. I sing my story out to them, and my secrets they keep.
That's crappy.
And this one, I wrote 7 months ago, yet it somehow still fits perfectly to my situation now:
Every opportunity shot down by mistake.
I convince myself lies are reality to get you away from me,
but recently,
You're the one thing I want most.
And in all honesty,
I fear what I desire most.
It's not much of a "collection" after all. I don't feel like searching for anymore now.
But on another note, the same situation has happened all over again that leaves me feeling like the wrong one, but I'm really not. I always keep my mouth shut when that particular gut feeling kicks in because I feel bad. But it feels worse to have to deal with it face-to-face and see with your own eyes how the person is trying to hide their pain but failing miserably. Those kind of things are so much easier to do behind a computer screen or text message. Which is pathetic, impersonal, and unclear. But still, easier to deal with on both ends.
Here's to another round of love triangles...
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