Last Day

So I finally leave tomorrow morning, which is bittersweet. A bunch of dumb stuff happened today that made me even more excited to finally leave, but I really am going to miss a few people here (key word: few). The anxiety that most people I've talked to have been feeling for weeks finally hit me last night, as I was laying in bed and realized I only had one more night to sleep in MY bed and to be in my room ALONE. I'm really anticipating the lack of alone time I get in college to literally drive me insane, but we'll see what happens.

On a different note, a little awesome band, The Starting Line, have this old song called "Greg's Last Day":

When you left home and moved to Ohio
The summer had come to an end.
My best friend goes, I try to follow,
Running as you disappear.
Stay.
You know how bad this hurts.
It's been three weeks and just gets worse.
Come back to PA.
Forever this time.
Greg's last day is our last chance to be best friends
Until we say "goodbye" and "I'll try to see you when the weather clears."
Then I went home and prayed that tomorrow
You would turn the car right back around.
Evergreen Rd just won't feel the same,
Since your gone.
Greg's last day is our last chance to be best friends
Until we say "goodbye" and "I'll try to see you when the weather clears."
Greg's last day is our last chance to be best friends
Until we say "goodbye" and "I'll try to see you when the weather clears."

I guess you can say the title of song is quite coincidental. I miss my best friend, and it sucks that I won't be able to see him before I leave. You know what sucks even more? Growing apart from someone and eventually losing them for good. I'd rather there be a reason behind losing someone, like a stupid fight or something, than losing someone just because time and outside circumstances drew you apart. Fights break things down. When you simply grow apart, especially in this case, you never lost the connection with the person or anything. Like, when you do finally talk to them again, it feels like nothing ever changed. But that's if you talk to them again.

And on another completely different note: WAKE UP, KID. I like you, and I'm really going to miss you.

Please, Don't Leave Me Without Saying Goodbye

I didn't anticipate how this would all feel, but it all hit me at the end of the night on Sunday, saying goodbye to one person in particular. It finally sunk in that this isn't just some distant future event anymore. This is now. It's here, and I've already said goodbye to my best friend. Saying that we're going to see each other in October (hopefully, if we keep our fingers crossed that it can work out) is just so weird. Like, oh hey, what happend to September? Oh that's right, we'll be hundreds of miles away from each other in September... Ughh it's just a weird feeling right now. I'm the next to go, exactly a week from today, and that's a different weird feeling in itself.



Since like 8th grade, I've been looking foward to this, especially the whole shopping for the dorm part. But that (^) is not fun. That's just an annoying mess of crap, and it's not even close to being all of it. It's just what I packed up today.

But anyway, with there being only a week left for me, I'm realizing that the majority of the people I know, I won't see before I leave. Now here's the part where I'm the hypocrite. I think that with me leaving (or really with anyone leaving), it only makes sense for someone to tell you everything they want and everything they've been holding inside because really, who knows when they'll see you again. I have this idea in my head that everyone should just tell me things they were always afraid to tell me or something, because that's just what makes sense. But following the principle of that, I should do the same thing, and I know that's just not going to happen. At least, I won't be the one to start it off. That really is one thing I'd like to change about myself, and I really have put the effort into changing it. I don't like that I hold back my emotions and things I want to say. Doing that causes too many opportunities to slip away. I think I have progressed though, mainly this summer. I did let things out to the people that needed to hear them, but not the things that I feel are more important. I've always envied those who could just walk up to your face and say "Hey, I like you" and not be afraid to possibly get hurt a little bit; the kind of people who can openly express their feelings without a second thought. I've never been that person. You can't get the reward if you don't take the risk; we all know that. But sometimes fear and doubt get the best of us.

Freeze Dried Friendships

I'm done complaining about people and their lack of morals (although believe me, I have a lot to complain about). Everyone here is essentially soon to become my past. And I know my friends who are reading this are taking offense to that sentence already, but hey, it's the truth for all of us. I mean, come college, we're going to be making daily memories with a whole new group of friends. The friendships we have here at home are going to be frozen in time in a way. They'll be at a standstill while we're away having a good time with our new present friends, but that doesn't mean we're going to forget each other and just throw our friendship out the door. You can't live in the past though, and I know none of us will. This is a whole new part of life we haven't experienced before, and it's exciting. Maybe this time around, I'll find people somewhat like myself. Maybe this time around, I really will make lifelong friends. Maybe this time around, I'll try to not dislike girls the second I meet them. And I really am trying with that last one already. Come on, I'm going to be living on a floor with nearly 20 other girls for a year. I better get used to them, so I'm trying to just wash away my preconcieved notions of girls this time around. I'm going to force myself to believe they're not all bitches. I'll let you know how it goes :]

So my floor is now covered in bags and boxes full of things that are going to comprise my new home: a replica of a jail cell that I'm sharing with someone else for a year. It actually started to hit me last night as I was looking at all the stuff that this is really happening. I really will be living in a totally different place with totally different people, not just visiting. Sure, I've been away from home many times, but none of those times were for more than a week. This time, it's months. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for this, but it's still a really weird concept to grasp.

Luckily, my roommate seems pretty cool from the little I know about her so far. Seriously, after she added me on facebook (I didn't know she was my roommate at the time), I said to myself "Hey she seems cool. I want her to be my roommate." And then she told me she was, lol. It was weird, but a good sign, I guess.

A little while ago, I was talking to this kid I'm going to school with. We've been talking a good amount, but I just told him that he reminded me of a good friend of mine, and he said that he doesn't want to take the place of my good friend, but I'm his for the time being at college. And it's true. It goes back to what I was saying in the beginning of this; new friendships, new memories, new stories to tell. They're not replacements, but it's close I guess, for the time being.

I have a little more than two weeks left here. I thought it was going to be difficult to leave everything, but this summer, people have made that process a lot easier all around. Not to sound emo at all, or anything. But a change of pace is needed.

Another Minor Vent

In one sentence: I've never met a single reliable person in my life.

ugh I am so heated right now >:[

On another note, I'm sorry that I'm back into the habit of writing totally meaningless, stupid posts. They'll get better again; I promise.

Check This

It's been too long. I never have anything good to write about during the summer, which you'd kind of think would be the opposite, but hey.

So to bring it back, I was bored and doing these dumb little quizzes, but I just so happen to like the one:

You Can Definitely Spot a Liar

Maybe you have good instincts. Or maybe you just have a lot of experience with liars. Either way, it's pretty hard for someone to pull a fast one on you. You're like a human lie detector.

lol.