So my dad just told me that in a month, once I turn 18, he will kick me out of the house because he will finally have the legal right to do so. But until then, he says I'm on my own. Asshole.
I find it so ironic that the people I live with, the people that have created me and raised me for my entire life, are the people that seem to know the least about me. I guess I have nobody to blame but myself for that, but still. I seriously am the happiest I can ever remember being now, and my dad sits here and tells me it's all a lie. I am some ungrateful selfish little brat. His words. I don't care what the hell they say, though. I know that my life will be a hundred times better than theirs ever was or ever will be. I make something of myself. They don't.
Here I go sounding all emo again. Hah go me.
Save me.
1.27.2008
1.25.2008
Life Is Good :]
I got my first acceptance letter from a college today. I'm now accepted to Franklin Pierce University which is awesome. What's even better is that they awarded me the President's Scholarship, which is a total of $50,000 over four years ($12,500/year). I'm happy :] haha. And my parents didn't even congratulate me. Just like they didn't even think it was great that I actually made it into the top 10% of my class. Oh the love <3
But it doesn't even matter because life has been good to me. I'm not going to get into religion on here, but it does have a lot to do with it. I know that. But everything has just been falling into place on its own, and it's amazing.
The city yesterday was awesome. I had the best times with the best friends, minus a few. Days like yesterday really make me realize that I do love my friends. Hahah especially for what I found out was going on behind my back...bahahaha. But it really was a great day/night. Playing KKK, stuffed dogs in sex positions, random girls jumping out and scaring us on the streets, cologne that costs $22,000 "honey"...lmao it doesn't get better.
But it doesn't even matter because life has been good to me. I'm not going to get into religion on here, but it does have a lot to do with it. I know that. But everything has just been falling into place on its own, and it's amazing.
The city yesterday was awesome. I had the best times with the best friends, minus a few. Days like yesterday really make me realize that I do love my friends. Hahah especially for what I found out was going on behind my back...bahahaha. But it really was a great day/night. Playing KKK, stuffed dogs in sex positions, random girls jumping out and scaring us on the streets, cologne that costs $22,000 "honey"...lmao it doesn't get better.
1.19.2008
1.18.2008
Mistakes We Knew We Were Making
So I think I confuse some people a lot. I don't mean to, and I never realize until it's too late but yeahh. I should probably work on that.
I ran into a certain somebody unexpectedly tonight. Someone I haven't seen in a really long time, and honestly did not want to see again. It's my fault. And I selfishly pretended that I didn't even notice him and ran the other way. I'm sorry. But one of the previous posts is about you. You probably know which one if you're reading this.
This has been one hell of an interesting week. No lie. There's been a common theme of people telling me that I'm amazing this week, too and it's just really weird. I don't know who is actually sincere about it or not. I just don't take anyone seriously. But it's just so weird that it seemed to come in an abundance in one single week when throughout my whole life, I've only heard those words maybe a total of two times.
Ughh I think I have a lot to work on, starting with my mistakes. What an emo little scene kid I sound like.
I ran into a certain somebody unexpectedly tonight. Someone I haven't seen in a really long time, and honestly did not want to see again. It's my fault. And I selfishly pretended that I didn't even notice him and ran the other way. I'm sorry. But one of the previous posts is about you. You probably know which one if you're reading this.
This has been one hell of an interesting week. No lie. There's been a common theme of people telling me that I'm amazing this week, too and it's just really weird. I don't know who is actually sincere about it or not. I just don't take anyone seriously. But it's just so weird that it seemed to come in an abundance in one single week when throughout my whole life, I've only heard those words maybe a total of two times.
Ughh I think I have a lot to work on, starting with my mistakes. What an emo little scene kid I sound like.
1.17.2008
Yeah...
lmao...I was seriously like 2 seconds away from passing out in health today ahahah. Go me.
You know what's weird? How two people can be sooo incredibly different in just about every way possible, yet at one point, I had the same feelings about the both of them. The only thing they seem to have in common is that earlier this week, they both said the same exact words to me on the same day, and something they had never said to me before. It's meaningless though, but still. It just made me think. It's a good thing I left one of them behind though, because if I didn't, I'd probably be getting myself caught up in some not-so-lovely things right now.
You know something else that's weird? How people actually pay attention to this blog. Hahah I don't get it. Nothing I write in here is interesting. But whatever, it's cool. Thanks :]
You know what's weird? How two people can be sooo incredibly different in just about every way possible, yet at one point, I had the same feelings about the both of them. The only thing they seem to have in common is that earlier this week, they both said the same exact words to me on the same day, and something they had never said to me before. It's meaningless though, but still. It just made me think. It's a good thing I left one of them behind though, because if I didn't, I'd probably be getting myself caught up in some not-so-lovely things right now.
You know something else that's weird? How people actually pay attention to this blog. Hahah I don't get it. Nothing I write in here is interesting. But whatever, it's cool. Thanks :]
1.16.2008
"We're nothing but hollow vessels in search of what makes us alive"
I was never aware that I never knew what happiness really felt like. I mean, I considered myself a happy person for the majority of my life, but I've learned recently that maybe I never really was. I think happiness is something that we unknowingly force ourselves into believing we have. Everyone wants to be happy. But who really is? I've recently discovered what genuine happiness feels like, and it's nice :) I don't want it to go away.
I've always been a skeptic when it comes to things like this. I guess it's kind of a way of protecting myself. When you don't get your hopes up, you can't fall anywhere. But for some reason, I feel like there's no chance of falling.
The images in my mind match that of reality. It's all becoming so clear to me.
You get it. Lmao I was listening to old school Nick Carter before. ahahah I'm pathetic.
1.13.2008
"The ghost of friendship meets me at the door..."
Oh senioritis. Forget my philosophy final project, haha. I'll hand it in a day late, whateverrr
I've decided that I'll post some of the little poems/songs/whatever you want to call them I've written in the past in here. Since some people have never seen them and want to, here you go:
And when the barrier breaks, all that we've held inside will escape. For better or for worse, we live each day in secrecy. We don't want to live on in infamy. So turn back the clocks. Let's go back to the times when they didn't matter; when our hearts spoke the strongest words and every other noise was a whisper. Let us not forget all that's been lost, but continue to live on, walking along a winding course. I promise you, it will all be worth it in the end.
I set dream and reality apart, and that's when I realized my mind betrayed my heart. You were nothing but a vision; nothing but a dream -- nonexistent reality.
Standing at the fork in the road, we don't know which way to go. One is a winding path, the other a blinding highway. We're being pulled in every direction. We don't know which way to go. The strings are slowly breaking. It's time to let go. We know all to well that no one wants to be alone.
We bury our souls in our hands and go on living life as if we care. Seams splitting; bleeding war wounds. Our heads held high by the rope attatched to the ceiling here to catch us when we fall too soon.
We've learned when it's time to run. We're crossing deserts and climbing mountains to reach the land of the midnight sun, and we will forever live on.
The laughter numbs the pain of the daggers in the heart.
Maps have disappeared. This vision's become unclear. A brick wall has been built, but trust me, I'll demolish it. This mindset's overruling; these sights are grueling. We may have believed we parted in opposite directions, but I know we're walking along a circular path. Learn to forgive and forget and we'll overcome this wrath.
We've gone back so far, it's as if we're living in a prehistoric world. No words, just stares; only hope in the air. Not knowing our mistakes until they hit us in our face. I'm looking up at the sky as each white cloud moves on by. This is the quiet before the storm. The tears of past years drop down from the clouds, and in every raindrop, a piece of you falls.
And these are the times when i really need someone by my side, to hold my hand and let me know everything's gonna be alright.
Yeah...all of those are from a while ago. I used to write poems like everyday, back when everything seemed to inspire me. Take me back to that.
Hmm check out the song "Hot Air Balloon" by foreverinmotion.
Oh, and I've realized that every single teenager has one thing in common: we're all misunderstood.
Jack Frost is coming tonight :] ahah
I've decided that I'll post some of the little poems/songs/whatever you want to call them I've written in the past in here. Since some people have never seen them and want to, here you go:
And when the barrier breaks, all that we've held inside will escape. For better or for worse, we live each day in secrecy. We don't want to live on in infamy. So turn back the clocks. Let's go back to the times when they didn't matter; when our hearts spoke the strongest words and every other noise was a whisper. Let us not forget all that's been lost, but continue to live on, walking along a winding course. I promise you, it will all be worth it in the end.
I set dream and reality apart, and that's when I realized my mind betrayed my heart. You were nothing but a vision; nothing but a dream -- nonexistent reality.
Standing at the fork in the road, we don't know which way to go. One is a winding path, the other a blinding highway. We're being pulled in every direction. We don't know which way to go. The strings are slowly breaking. It's time to let go. We know all to well that no one wants to be alone.
We bury our souls in our hands and go on living life as if we care. Seams splitting; bleeding war wounds. Our heads held high by the rope attatched to the ceiling here to catch us when we fall too soon.
We've learned when it's time to run. We're crossing deserts and climbing mountains to reach the land of the midnight sun, and we will forever live on.
The laughter numbs the pain of the daggers in the heart.
Maps have disappeared. This vision's become unclear. A brick wall has been built, but trust me, I'll demolish it. This mindset's overruling; these sights are grueling. We may have believed we parted in opposite directions, but I know we're walking along a circular path. Learn to forgive and forget and we'll overcome this wrath.
We've gone back so far, it's as if we're living in a prehistoric world. No words, just stares; only hope in the air. Not knowing our mistakes until they hit us in our face. I'm looking up at the sky as each white cloud moves on by. This is the quiet before the storm. The tears of past years drop down from the clouds, and in every raindrop, a piece of you falls.
And these are the times when i really need someone by my side, to hold my hand and let me know everything's gonna be alright.
Yeah...all of those are from a while ago. I used to write poems like everyday, back when everything seemed to inspire me. Take me back to that.
Hmm check out the song "Hot Air Balloon" by foreverinmotion.
Oh, and I've realized that every single teenager has one thing in common: we're all misunderstood.
Jack Frost is coming tonight :] ahah
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