The tide grabs hold of me again
This cycle is never ending
Swimming in a sea of irrational doubt again tonight
I've got eleven foot waves crashing over me
The fog clouds the distance I thought I could see
I need the strength to stay above
My habits are always getting the best of me
I feel this coming
I feel this coming
I have to break it before it breaks on me
The wind is pushing me further this time
But I'm about to throw myself overboard again
The current is strong
But the tide is weak
And I'm convinced this battle can't be won
I need the strength to stay above
My habits are always getting the best of me
I feel this coming
I feel this coming
I have to break it before it breaks on me
I've got stars in my eyes now, but I can't see
Swimming backwards
Treading the waters by your shore
Oh, just take a look at what you've done to me
I'm gonna be stranded here
Fighting off my predetermined destiny
10.24.2008
10.21.2008
We're Constraining Ourselves...
...These ropes are our own creation.
Oh, hi blog. It's been quite some time.
I hate when I have those periods where I just can't write. Nothing good, anyway. And that's how it's been for a while now, but I finally got some stuff going while I was trying to stay awake in philosophy today. What's weird is that those "dry spells" always seem to happen when you'd think I'd have the most to write about. Life is good. I've been continuously getting all I've wanted and life is finally falling into place the way I felt it always should have. It's a nice to finally experience that.
College, for the most part, is amazing in all aspects. So because I'm insanely bored and feel like writing some pointless crap, here's a list of what I've learned form college so far (in no particular order):
1. I am the Ben and Jerry's champ here. :)
2. ^ That has it's pros and cons (con: I'm getting fat. Sweet deal)
3. It's a bad idea to curse out your neighbors when the walls are paper thin. They will always hear you and call you out on it. (I still have yet to really learn this lesson :x)
4. Apparently I'm a Master Flirt and a tease, and I fail to ever realize it.
5. It's crazy how just putting 2 holes in your lip can completely change your social life.
6. People who give into peer pressure so easily because they're afraid to go against the grain upset me.
7. I will never get over my initial hatred towards girls, no matter how hard I try.
8. Real people do exist.
9. Pot isn't bad.
10. I still will never in my life break edge. Hold me to it.
11. It's okay to trust some people.
12. It's better to feel a little dumb here or there than to let potentially awesome opportunites slip away.
13. This blog has achieved it's goal of letting people see who I am.
14. I felt like I got little to no attention at home. It's a completely different story here.
15. Tile floors and iPods don't go well together.
16. I hate being told to do something I don't want to do and actually have to do it.
17. Being on my own doesn't phase me at all like I expected it might.
18. I'm on my way to learning how to live life right.
I thought I had the last one down before I left home, and for the most part, I did. I do think I have a pretty good hold on life and I live it in the way that's best for me. But I've learned things about myself, others, and life in general here that make me see I still have a lot to learn. I like that, though. Those kind of things had been absent in my life for a while, and I always knew there had to be more to learn.
Before I came here, I had touched upon my problems with myself, but I've managed to sort things out and make sense of the things I do now. The trust issues, the fear of letting people in, and the attachment issues in particular have cleared themselves up in recent weeks. It's about time. You have to be able to see the problem clearly in order to fix it, so really, it's about damn time.
And I'm trying this time around. I'm trying hard to not mess this one up like I've always done.
This is the falling out of pain and the coming of accepted vulnerability.
Oh, hi blog. It's been quite some time.
I hate when I have those periods where I just can't write. Nothing good, anyway. And that's how it's been for a while now, but I finally got some stuff going while I was trying to stay awake in philosophy today. What's weird is that those "dry spells" always seem to happen when you'd think I'd have the most to write about. Life is good. I've been continuously getting all I've wanted and life is finally falling into place the way I felt it always should have. It's a nice to finally experience that.
College, for the most part, is amazing in all aspects. So because I'm insanely bored and feel like writing some pointless crap, here's a list of what I've learned form college so far (in no particular order):
1. I am the Ben and Jerry's champ here. :)
2. ^ That has it's pros and cons (con: I'm getting fat. Sweet deal)
3. It's a bad idea to curse out your neighbors when the walls are paper thin. They will always hear you and call you out on it. (I still have yet to really learn this lesson :x)
4. Apparently I'm a Master Flirt and a tease, and I fail to ever realize it.
5. It's crazy how just putting 2 holes in your lip can completely change your social life.
6. People who give into peer pressure so easily because they're afraid to go against the grain upset me.
7. I will never get over my initial hatred towards girls, no matter how hard I try.
8. Real people do exist.
9. Pot isn't bad.
10. I still will never in my life break edge. Hold me to it.
11. It's okay to trust some people.
12. It's better to feel a little dumb here or there than to let potentially awesome opportunites slip away.
13. This blog has achieved it's goal of letting people see who I am.
14. I felt like I got little to no attention at home. It's a completely different story here.
15. Tile floors and iPods don't go well together.
16. I hate being told to do something I don't want to do and actually have to do it.
17. Being on my own doesn't phase me at all like I expected it might.
18. I'm on my way to learning how to live life right.
I thought I had the last one down before I left home, and for the most part, I did. I do think I have a pretty good hold on life and I live it in the way that's best for me. But I've learned things about myself, others, and life in general here that make me see I still have a lot to learn. I like that, though. Those kind of things had been absent in my life for a while, and I always knew there had to be more to learn.
Before I came here, I had touched upon my problems with myself, but I've managed to sort things out and make sense of the things I do now. The trust issues, the fear of letting people in, and the attachment issues in particular have cleared themselves up in recent weeks. It's about time. You have to be able to see the problem clearly in order to fix it, so really, it's about damn time.
And I'm trying this time around. I'm trying hard to not mess this one up like I've always done.
This is the falling out of pain and the coming of accepted vulnerability.
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