So my dad just told me that in a month, once I turn 18, he will kick me out of the house because he will finally have the legal right to do so. But until then, he says I'm on my own. Asshole.
I find it so ironic that the people I live with, the people that have created me and raised me for my entire life, are the people that seem to know the least about me. I guess I have nobody to blame but myself for that, but still. I seriously am the happiest I can ever remember being now, and my dad sits here and tells me it's all a lie. I am some ungrateful selfish little brat. His words. I don't care what the hell they say, though. I know that my life will be a hundred times better than theirs ever was or ever will be. I make something of myself. They don't.
Here I go sounding all emo again. Hah go me.
Save me.
1.27.2008
1.25.2008
Life Is Good :]
I got my first acceptance letter from a college today. I'm now accepted to Franklin Pierce University which is awesome. What's even better is that they awarded me the President's Scholarship, which is a total of $50,000 over four years ($12,500/year). I'm happy :] haha. And my parents didn't even congratulate me. Just like they didn't even think it was great that I actually made it into the top 10% of my class. Oh the love <3
But it doesn't even matter because life has been good to me. I'm not going to get into religion on here, but it does have a lot to do with it. I know that. But everything has just been falling into place on its own, and it's amazing.
The city yesterday was awesome. I had the best times with the best friends, minus a few. Days like yesterday really make me realize that I do love my friends. Hahah especially for what I found out was going on behind my back...bahahaha. But it really was a great day/night. Playing KKK, stuffed dogs in sex positions, random girls jumping out and scaring us on the streets, cologne that costs $22,000 "honey"...lmao it doesn't get better.
But it doesn't even matter because life has been good to me. I'm not going to get into religion on here, but it does have a lot to do with it. I know that. But everything has just been falling into place on its own, and it's amazing.
The city yesterday was awesome. I had the best times with the best friends, minus a few. Days like yesterday really make me realize that I do love my friends. Hahah especially for what I found out was going on behind my back...bahahaha. But it really was a great day/night. Playing KKK, stuffed dogs in sex positions, random girls jumping out and scaring us on the streets, cologne that costs $22,000 "honey"...lmao it doesn't get better.
1.19.2008
1.18.2008
Mistakes We Knew We Were Making
So I think I confuse some people a lot. I don't mean to, and I never realize until it's too late but yeahh. I should probably work on that.
I ran into a certain somebody unexpectedly tonight. Someone I haven't seen in a really long time, and honestly did not want to see again. It's my fault. And I selfishly pretended that I didn't even notice him and ran the other way. I'm sorry. But one of the previous posts is about you. You probably know which one if you're reading this.
This has been one hell of an interesting week. No lie. There's been a common theme of people telling me that I'm amazing this week, too and it's just really weird. I don't know who is actually sincere about it or not. I just don't take anyone seriously. But it's just so weird that it seemed to come in an abundance in one single week when throughout my whole life, I've only heard those words maybe a total of two times.
Ughh I think I have a lot to work on, starting with my mistakes. What an emo little scene kid I sound like.
I ran into a certain somebody unexpectedly tonight. Someone I haven't seen in a really long time, and honestly did not want to see again. It's my fault. And I selfishly pretended that I didn't even notice him and ran the other way. I'm sorry. But one of the previous posts is about you. You probably know which one if you're reading this.
This has been one hell of an interesting week. No lie. There's been a common theme of people telling me that I'm amazing this week, too and it's just really weird. I don't know who is actually sincere about it or not. I just don't take anyone seriously. But it's just so weird that it seemed to come in an abundance in one single week when throughout my whole life, I've only heard those words maybe a total of two times.
Ughh I think I have a lot to work on, starting with my mistakes. What an emo little scene kid I sound like.
1.17.2008
Yeah...
lmao...I was seriously like 2 seconds away from passing out in health today ahahah. Go me.
You know what's weird? How two people can be sooo incredibly different in just about every way possible, yet at one point, I had the same feelings about the both of them. The only thing they seem to have in common is that earlier this week, they both said the same exact words to me on the same day, and something they had never said to me before. It's meaningless though, but still. It just made me think. It's a good thing I left one of them behind though, because if I didn't, I'd probably be getting myself caught up in some not-so-lovely things right now.
You know something else that's weird? How people actually pay attention to this blog. Hahah I don't get it. Nothing I write in here is interesting. But whatever, it's cool. Thanks :]
You know what's weird? How two people can be sooo incredibly different in just about every way possible, yet at one point, I had the same feelings about the both of them. The only thing they seem to have in common is that earlier this week, they both said the same exact words to me on the same day, and something they had never said to me before. It's meaningless though, but still. It just made me think. It's a good thing I left one of them behind though, because if I didn't, I'd probably be getting myself caught up in some not-so-lovely things right now.
You know something else that's weird? How people actually pay attention to this blog. Hahah I don't get it. Nothing I write in here is interesting. But whatever, it's cool. Thanks :]
1.16.2008
"We're nothing but hollow vessels in search of what makes us alive"
I was never aware that I never knew what happiness really felt like. I mean, I considered myself a happy person for the majority of my life, but I've learned recently that maybe I never really was. I think happiness is something that we unknowingly force ourselves into believing we have. Everyone wants to be happy. But who really is? I've recently discovered what genuine happiness feels like, and it's nice :) I don't want it to go away.
I've always been a skeptic when it comes to things like this. I guess it's kind of a way of protecting myself. When you don't get your hopes up, you can't fall anywhere. But for some reason, I feel like there's no chance of falling.
The images in my mind match that of reality. It's all becoming so clear to me.
You get it. Lmao I was listening to old school Nick Carter before. ahahah I'm pathetic.
1.13.2008
"The ghost of friendship meets me at the door..."
Oh senioritis. Forget my philosophy final project, haha. I'll hand it in a day late, whateverrr
I've decided that I'll post some of the little poems/songs/whatever you want to call them I've written in the past in here. Since some people have never seen them and want to, here you go:
And when the barrier breaks, all that we've held inside will escape. For better or for worse, we live each day in secrecy. We don't want to live on in infamy. So turn back the clocks. Let's go back to the times when they didn't matter; when our hearts spoke the strongest words and every other noise was a whisper. Let us not forget all that's been lost, but continue to live on, walking along a winding course. I promise you, it will all be worth it in the end.
I set dream and reality apart, and that's when I realized my mind betrayed my heart. You were nothing but a vision; nothing but a dream -- nonexistent reality.
Standing at the fork in the road, we don't know which way to go. One is a winding path, the other a blinding highway. We're being pulled in every direction. We don't know which way to go. The strings are slowly breaking. It's time to let go. We know all to well that no one wants to be alone.
We bury our souls in our hands and go on living life as if we care. Seams splitting; bleeding war wounds. Our heads held high by the rope attatched to the ceiling here to catch us when we fall too soon.
We've learned when it's time to run. We're crossing deserts and climbing mountains to reach the land of the midnight sun, and we will forever live on.
The laughter numbs the pain of the daggers in the heart.
Maps have disappeared. This vision's become unclear. A brick wall has been built, but trust me, I'll demolish it. This mindset's overruling; these sights are grueling. We may have believed we parted in opposite directions, but I know we're walking along a circular path. Learn to forgive and forget and we'll overcome this wrath.
We've gone back so far, it's as if we're living in a prehistoric world. No words, just stares; only hope in the air. Not knowing our mistakes until they hit us in our face. I'm looking up at the sky as each white cloud moves on by. This is the quiet before the storm. The tears of past years drop down from the clouds, and in every raindrop, a piece of you falls.
And these are the times when i really need someone by my side, to hold my hand and let me know everything's gonna be alright.
Yeah...all of those are from a while ago. I used to write poems like everyday, back when everything seemed to inspire me. Take me back to that.
Hmm check out the song "Hot Air Balloon" by foreverinmotion.
Oh, and I've realized that every single teenager has one thing in common: we're all misunderstood.
Jack Frost is coming tonight :] ahah
I've decided that I'll post some of the little poems/songs/whatever you want to call them I've written in the past in here. Since some people have never seen them and want to, here you go:
And when the barrier breaks, all that we've held inside will escape. For better or for worse, we live each day in secrecy. We don't want to live on in infamy. So turn back the clocks. Let's go back to the times when they didn't matter; when our hearts spoke the strongest words and every other noise was a whisper. Let us not forget all that's been lost, but continue to live on, walking along a winding course. I promise you, it will all be worth it in the end.
I set dream and reality apart, and that's when I realized my mind betrayed my heart. You were nothing but a vision; nothing but a dream -- nonexistent reality.
Standing at the fork in the road, we don't know which way to go. One is a winding path, the other a blinding highway. We're being pulled in every direction. We don't know which way to go. The strings are slowly breaking. It's time to let go. We know all to well that no one wants to be alone.
We bury our souls in our hands and go on living life as if we care. Seams splitting; bleeding war wounds. Our heads held high by the rope attatched to the ceiling here to catch us when we fall too soon.
We've learned when it's time to run. We're crossing deserts and climbing mountains to reach the land of the midnight sun, and we will forever live on.
The laughter numbs the pain of the daggers in the heart.
Maps have disappeared. This vision's become unclear. A brick wall has been built, but trust me, I'll demolish it. This mindset's overruling; these sights are grueling. We may have believed we parted in opposite directions, but I know we're walking along a circular path. Learn to forgive and forget and we'll overcome this wrath.
We've gone back so far, it's as if we're living in a prehistoric world. No words, just stares; only hope in the air. Not knowing our mistakes until they hit us in our face. I'm looking up at the sky as each white cloud moves on by. This is the quiet before the storm. The tears of past years drop down from the clouds, and in every raindrop, a piece of you falls.
And these are the times when i really need someone by my side, to hold my hand and let me know everything's gonna be alright.
Yeah...all of those are from a while ago. I used to write poems like everyday, back when everything seemed to inspire me. Take me back to that.
Hmm check out the song "Hot Air Balloon" by foreverinmotion.
Oh, and I've realized that every single teenager has one thing in common: we're all misunderstood.
Jack Frost is coming tonight :] ahah
1.09.2008
Weird-Ass Dream
You know those dreams that seem so real that you can actually feel the things that are going on? Yeah, well I've had a lot of those, but last night's was by far the craziest.
So Amanda was driving her car, and I was in the passenger seat. For some reason, when she stopped at a stop sign, the guys in the car behind us got all pissed, as if she wasn't supposed to stop or something. So they decided to pull over next to us and yelled at Amanda, which set her off. The car was red by the way, not like it matters. But anyway, so since Amanda was now pissed that they were pissed at her for doing nothing wrong, she wanted to get back at them or whatever. They went speeding up in front of us, and she decided to chase after them when she lost control of the car. I remember telling her to slow down, but by that time, the car was already doing its own thing. She turned the wheel to the right trying to gain control of it again, and we started to spin out of control. I don't know how we wound up going from a road to a parking lot, but there were parked cars that we were heading towards. The back of the car slammed into them. Everything was in slow motion. I remember feeling like I was being pulled because of all the force, and the only thing I felt like I could possibly do was to cover my head because I saw the glass shatter, but I couldn't do it fast enough. The only thing I could hear was Amanda yelling my name three times, and then everything was dead silent. And then I woke up.
After writing it, it seems dumb to me now, but it really did freak me out. I woke up with my heart pounding. I guess just because it seemed so realistic, and I can see it really happening. I hope to God it doesn't though, obviously. But yeah, it really freaked me out, and I just thought I would share. Sorry Amanda :)
So Amanda was driving her car, and I was in the passenger seat. For some reason, when she stopped at a stop sign, the guys in the car behind us got all pissed, as if she wasn't supposed to stop or something. So they decided to pull over next to us and yelled at Amanda, which set her off. The car was red by the way, not like it matters. But anyway, so since Amanda was now pissed that they were pissed at her for doing nothing wrong, she wanted to get back at them or whatever. They went speeding up in front of us, and she decided to chase after them when she lost control of the car. I remember telling her to slow down, but by that time, the car was already doing its own thing. She turned the wheel to the right trying to gain control of it again, and we started to spin out of control. I don't know how we wound up going from a road to a parking lot, but there were parked cars that we were heading towards. The back of the car slammed into them. Everything was in slow motion. I remember feeling like I was being pulled because of all the force, and the only thing I felt like I could possibly do was to cover my head because I saw the glass shatter, but I couldn't do it fast enough. The only thing I could hear was Amanda yelling my name three times, and then everything was dead silent. And then I woke up.
After writing it, it seems dumb to me now, but it really did freak me out. I woke up with my heart pounding. I guess just because it seemed so realistic, and I can see it really happening. I hope to God it doesn't though, obviously. But yeah, it really freaked me out, and I just thought I would share. Sorry Amanda :)
1.07.2008
February Fourteenth
Those three songs
I know they were for me
I'm sorry.
Just know that you never deserved the tears
I apologize for leaving
But it would've been worse if I stayed
And every time I hear those songs
I think of you and all that I threw away
You offered everything I wanted
And I'm the one that deserves the tears
It's crazy that it's almost been a year, and I only realized it now. But hey, I'm still thinking of you, and I guess that's what you wanted. You win.
I'm done being all sad and whatever now. Somebody makes me happy =]
Today, I realized that I'm kind of a hypocrite to myself. Oh well. Life goes on. Geez, I'm procrastinating so much right now. I have so much crap to do. This is what I do best. Someone make me do what I'm supposed to, pleaseee
I know they were for me
I'm sorry.
Just know that you never deserved the tears
I apologize for leaving
But it would've been worse if I stayed
And every time I hear those songs
I think of you and all that I threw away
You offered everything I wanted
And I'm the one that deserves the tears
It's crazy that it's almost been a year, and I only realized it now. But hey, I'm still thinking of you, and I guess that's what you wanted. You win.
I'm done being all sad and whatever now. Somebody makes me happy =]
Today, I realized that I'm kind of a hypocrite to myself. Oh well. Life goes on. Geez, I'm procrastinating so much right now. I have so much crap to do. This is what I do best. Someone make me do what I'm supposed to, pleaseee
1.06.2008
Concerts con mi
Heyyy somebody come to some concerts with me, please :]
Karate High School: January 22 @ 7PM in the city
but more importantly, I want to go to this one sooo bad for my birthday:
Envy on the Coast: February 12 @ 7PM also in the city
So yeah, I think you should really come with me and make me happy (=
Btw, anyone can leave comments on here; you don't have to be a member or anything. So if you want to say something, say it.
Karate High School: January 22 @ 7PM in the city
but more importantly, I want to go to this one sooo bad for my birthday:
Envy on the Coast: February 12 @ 7PM also in the city
So yeah, I think you should really come with me and make me happy (=
Btw, anyone can leave comments on here; you don't have to be a member or anything. So if you want to say something, say it.
1.03.2008
Lifeless Conformists
So I wanted to say this before, but I forgot. Every word I write in here is mine. The title of this blog, the poems/songs, even the pictures, unless I state otherwise. Mine. Not yours. If you take anything without my permission, I will personally have to find you and hurt you myself. Eh actually I'll hire someone else to do it. I wouldn't be able to hurt you much myself... Call me selfish or whatever. I don't care. I don't like to share my words. You can ask me though, I may say it's okay :]
This lack of respect won't bring me down
I'll fight for my beliefs until I'm underground
I thought I've made it obvious
I don't live my life for you
I won't succomb to your lifeless "standards"
Because you see,
It's the greatest tragedy to live your life not as yourself and for someone else
I'll rise above and shout out to the seas of the damned
"Conformity will be the death of me"
And they'll cheer with lifeless expression
"Am I the only one who realizes it is true? Beat but I'm not broken. Guide me through with your hand. Leave with your words spoken. Show me how to listen. Let your light shine through me. Take this hate I can't release. Help me make the blind see misery loves it's company..."
I've had this song stuck in my head for like the past three days. Good song :]
Listen to it: "Misery Loves Its Company" - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (oh what? they have another song besides "Face Down?! no..." yes, they do.)
You want to know something I love? When things just fall into place and you get everything you want without even trying. You want to know something I hate? When some idiot goes and ruins it.
This lack of respect won't bring me down
I'll fight for my beliefs until I'm underground
I thought I've made it obvious
I don't live my life for you
I won't succomb to your lifeless "standards"
Because you see,
It's the greatest tragedy to live your life not as yourself and for someone else
I'll rise above and shout out to the seas of the damned
"Conformity will be the death of me"
And they'll cheer with lifeless expression
"Am I the only one who realizes it is true? Beat but I'm not broken. Guide me through with your hand. Leave with your words spoken. Show me how to listen. Let your light shine through me. Take this hate I can't release. Help me make the blind see misery loves it's company..."
I've had this song stuck in my head for like the past three days. Good song :]
Listen to it: "Misery Loves Its Company" - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (oh what? they have another song besides "Face Down?! no..." yes, they do.)
You want to know something I love? When things just fall into place and you get everything you want without even trying. You want to know something I hate? When some idiot goes and ruins it.
1.02.2008
The Start Of It All
So I've decided to make a blog. Don't ask me why, it was just kind of a sudden thought that I decided to put foward. I guess it's a good time for it, though. 2008 just started, and I know that this year is going to hold so many insane changes. I mean, I'll finally be getting my license, well hopefully. I'm graduating high school and going off to college. There are so many other changes, too, but I'd rather not write them here. Not yet at least.
This is weird.
I doubt anyone is really going to sit here and read every blog I write, and I don't encourage any of you who are reading this right now to do so. I really do have a boring life, and nothing on here will be seriously interesting. I don't even know what I'm doing with this. It'll probably just be a place where I get out some thoughts I would want other people to see. I'll probably wind up putting some of my poetry, pictures, quotes and all that stuff on here at some point.
This could be a good thing. The more and more I try to come up with a good reason as to why I'm making this, the more I am realizing how beneficial it may be. So many people have told me that I am the most secretive person they've met. I don't mind that to an extent, but at other times I do feel bad. I mean, people seem to think that for some reason, I keep everything that is happening in my life from them on purpose, like I don't want to open up to anyone, and that's not true. I just never really had the chance to do so and feel comfortable with it because of lots of different reasons. Don't take it personal. But I have grown so much and I don't mind opening up to people now. I want people to see who I really am. I don't want to hide anymore. I've been keeping my own personal journals for a few years now, so this won't be like that. But I will make it into something, and maybe, if you are going to sit here and read this because you really are just that bored, you'll see who I really am. I don't know. Like I said before, my life really is not that interesting at all, but maybe you'll think I'm wrong.
This was a pointless post, but I'm just starting out.
This is weird.
I doubt anyone is really going to sit here and read every blog I write, and I don't encourage any of you who are reading this right now to do so. I really do have a boring life, and nothing on here will be seriously interesting. I don't even know what I'm doing with this. It'll probably just be a place where I get out some thoughts I would want other people to see. I'll probably wind up putting some of my poetry, pictures, quotes and all that stuff on here at some point.
This could be a good thing. The more and more I try to come up with a good reason as to why I'm making this, the more I am realizing how beneficial it may be. So many people have told me that I am the most secretive person they've met. I don't mind that to an extent, but at other times I do feel bad. I mean, people seem to think that for some reason, I keep everything that is happening in my life from them on purpose, like I don't want to open up to anyone, and that's not true. I just never really had the chance to do so and feel comfortable with it because of lots of different reasons. Don't take it personal. But I have grown so much and I don't mind opening up to people now. I want people to see who I really am. I don't want to hide anymore. I've been keeping my own personal journals for a few years now, so this won't be like that. But I will make it into something, and maybe, if you are going to sit here and read this because you really are just that bored, you'll see who I really am. I don't know. Like I said before, my life really is not that interesting at all, but maybe you'll think I'm wrong.
This was a pointless post, but I'm just starting out.
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